“Just put your hand in mine
We’ll walk in the sand together
Just let your heart drift through
Our life
You’ve always been there
You’ve always been there
I’m never alone
No way, no how, no when”
-Procol Harum (Somewhen)
Several thoughts, dates and pictures, have converged with music this month to bring the above
quote to this newsletter. It’s the first stanza of what could be considered a sort of love song for a
couple; yet, with Mother’s Day coming and my garden beckoning , I think of my mom when I
listen to it. I always feel that Mom is with me, in me, and, for sure, a part of me. Or is it that I’m a
part of her? Either way, the lines bring to my mind a picture of me holding Mom’s hand when I was
about 2 years old. We, when I was older, DID walk in the sand together. Her heart is in my life
and, as I said, I am never alone as I never feel like I am without her.
Another piece of this series of thoughts is Kayla’s Hope Blooms Gala, a fundraiser held recently
to raise money for Kayla’s Hope Foundation. The pictures that Kayla’s mom, Ruthie, posted of
Kayla with her family and friends brought the song to me again. Kayla Brooke Lehman was 15
years old when she took her life on April 7, 2018. Her mom, dad, and sister have worked tirelessly
to raise awareness and money for mental health. Many organizations (yes, SPS for sure!) and
scholarship winners with Kayla’s name on it have been helped by this foundation. When I hear the
song, I picture the 4 of them, hand-in-hand, walking barefoot on the beach. Her heart is forever
intertwined with theirs. They are never without her spirit within them.
I have the song playing right now. I’ll encourage you to look it up and listen to it as I now hear it
as a love song for anyone who has had a loved one die; parent, spouse, child, sister, brother, niece,
nephew, friend….A song with it’s lyrics and oh so beautiful music can mean anything to anyone. I
have had a lot of death in my life but…then…I’m old. I’ve seen a lot. My Bill died 2 1/2 year ago.
This song is ours.
The most recent death in my life-at-large, is that of a friend’s husband. The death was sudden
(heart attack). Death by suicide is also sudden with the same immediate shock. The additional piece
(suicide) is further reaching for we survivors as it adds so much more. But I think of my friend and
what it feels like to have a spouse die. Bill didn’t die suddenly but his death still rocked my world.
My friend, also my daughter, Jen’s friend, ran into Jen this past week-end. Jen offered her
condolences. Beth said, “I need to call your mom to have coffee with her. Now I get it.”
Ultimately, as I’ve said before, it’s the death with it’s finality that we are left with. Our loved
ones made the decision to take their own lives. We acknowledge that and we acknowledge that
multiple layers of our recovery are based on their final decision. Suicide is a harsh and often
violent death. They made a choice. Beth’s husband didn’t make a choice to take his own life but
he’s dead. Our loved ones died. They are dead. The ultimate equalizer is death.
How we choose to move forward after the death of our loved ones is what matters. We have
Celebrations of Life or funerals or…nothing. We are left with ashes in an urn or a gravesite. Then what? The first and second years after the death are filled with hard, raw pain. On the outside, we
look like “normal” to anyone who sees us. Close friends and family see the pain we carry in our
eyes. We move forward, stunned that the rest of the world continues at a rapid speed. We change.
We soften. We are forever changed. We value relationships more.
We attend or sponsor causes in their name. We reach out to those who come after us after they
have had a loved one die.
Now we “get it”.
“So just put your hand in mine
I’ll walk forever by your side
You know I’m yours
I know you are mine
And when we’re gone
We’ll meet again
Some way, somehow, somewhen.”
We’ll meet again…some way, somehow, somewhen…
Until then, keep them close. Feel them. I know you’ll always love them…I love each and every
one of you. You have/are survived/surviving. You have/will thrived/thrive…
Somewhen….
